I turned on some jazz as I started to write this. I always find a way back to myself when I listen to jazz. It centers me, it grounds me. And it’s doing just that as I reflect on my Lucia dress.

We hear it so often that artists create from their deepest pain, but I have learned I create when I feel a sense of stability and security in my life. It gives me the freedom to explore while knowing I am safely held. And that is what was happening in the middle of 2024. There was solid ground beneath me again and I wanted to sew. Squeezed into my little room, I remember sitting at my sewing machine, watching the trees out the window, feeling a fire burning within me to make things again.

I had it all planned out, I was going to finally sew myself a New Year’s Eve dress. I had the pattern, I had the fabric, and I had the inspiration. You see, I love NYE and New Year’s Day. New Year’s Day is probably my favorite day, or at least a close second to my birthday. Not because I think anything magical happens, not because anyone else has ever made it special for me, but simply because I choose to make it magical for myself.

When my vision for Penrose and Seams started to grow, I knew it would be up to me to explain the purpose and passion behind it. So, I’m going to give you a little P&S history lesson and a little glimpse into its future.

It took me thirty years to realize I didn’t have a clear understanding of where I ended and another began. The lines were always blurry, and I thought that was normal. It hadn’t occurred to me that this was part of why I felt so lost in my own body. I so desperately craved to stand in my own power, yet I was constantly giving it away or putting it in the shadows for the sake of another.

“I believe taking care of ourselves is an art, and this art involves one fundamental idea that is foreign to many: giving ourselves what we need.” – Melody Beattie

I was that person who would abandon myself whenever I would watch someone else abandon me or simply not choose me. I followed along as if that person knew what was best, as if they had some guidebook that stated “Pamela - Not worth it. Move on.” My brain would suddenly start analyzing myself for where the “errors” or “malfunctions” were hiding. How had I missed them? How could I correct them? I had to lose a lot to finally realize I kept putting my worth in other people’s hands.

Everything starts with a story. Often, we can be so submersed in it that we don’t realize the story being written until we’re knee deep in it, or we are already on the other side of it. I learned my lines as I was going, but I couldn’t see the story unfolding for years.