A Last Minute Reclamation
I had it all planned out, I was going to finally sew myself a New Year’s Eve dress. I had the pattern, I had the fabric, and I had the inspiration. You see, I love NYE and New Year’s Day. New Year’s Day is probably my favorite day, or at least a close second to my birthday. Not because I think anything magical happens, not because anyone else has ever specifically made it special for me, but simply because I choose to make it magical for myself. The first New Year’s after my divorce, in 2018, brought up waves of challenging emotions. I found myself overwhelmed with loneliness and nowhere to go with it. Everyone I loved was traveling, so I was left to figure the day out on my own. I ended up going to see my first movie by myself, I don’t even remember what I saw, but I remember no longer feeling lonely and I remember feeling like I could count on myself. Later that day I wrote a letter to myself that I planned to read on July 1st - the midpoint of the year - six years later I still keep this tradition alive. In 2019 I took myself to camp out on the beach for New Year’s. I popped bubbly at midnight and watched fireworks over the ocean. Once again, I gave myself something magical. So to finally sew myself a New Year’s Eve dress wasn’t just a fun idea, it was a way to keep making magic for myself. But this New Year’s ended up giving me something even sweeter… something I didn’t anticipate.
Trying to navigate sewing, seeing my last batch of clients for the year, and spending time with family and friends for the holidays left me with small pockets of time to sew. This meant I was still sewing one hour before I was supposed to leave for my NYE plans. I was sewing VikiSews Lucia dress, and due to how fast I was trying to complete it, I made the straps shorter than I wanted them to be - even though the instructions intentionally tell you to slow down and check the strap length first. As soon as I realized what I had done, I knew it wouldn’t be a quick fix. Definitely fixable, and I expressed loads of gratitude to the Universe that I hadn’t destroyed it, but I knew I didn’t have enough time to fix it and do it well. So I took some deep breaths and accepted I would not be wearing a New Year’s Eve dress made my me. Thankfully, I had a back up dress I had rented from Nuuly. As I slipped it on, I discovered I had ordered one size too small. There was no way I was going to be able to dance around freely in it.
Well, there I was, one hour before I needed to leave, and no dress. My favorite day, and no dress. But instead of sadness, it felt like the energy and magic I always give to NYE was sent back to me, and I found myself happily running to my closet with complete confidence I had something I could wear. As my eyes ran over all of my dresses, they suddenly landed on the dress I wore to my rehearsal dinner when I got married back in 2011. Within seconds I saw the whole outfit in my mind and my hand was pulling the dress out of my closet.
I hadn’t worn this dress since my rehearsal dinner. I kept it with me all of these years, not because of my previous marriage, but because of the full history of it. It had meaning to me, even if my marriage ended. My mom and I used to go to a tea room and antique store in Memphis, TN when I was growing up. It was our thing. One day when we were there before my wedding, I saw this dress in one of the antique booths. It was vintage, most likely someone’s prom dress, and too big, but I knew it’s what I wanted for my rehearsal dinner. So we grabbed it and had it altered for me. I last wore this dress when I was 23. Thirteen years later, at 36, I rang in 2025 dancing to Chappell Roan while wearing my rehearsal dinner dress, red heels and lipstick. I felt like I gave the dress life again. And I think it gave me life again too.
Love,
Pamela
