I was that person who would abandon myself whenever I would watch someone else abandon me or simply not choose me. I followed along as if that person knew what was best, as if they had some guidebook that stated “Pamela - Not worth it. Move on.” My brain would suddenly start analyzing myself for where the “errors” or “malfunctions” in me were hiding. How had I missed them? How could I correct them? I had to lose a lot to finally realize I kept putting my worth in other people’s hands. I look back on the past few years of intentionally working on taking my worth back with lots of tenderness and, thankfully, lots of laughter. I have been looking at my photos from Palm Beach, where I got to embrace who I am while wearing my me made Santis swimsuit and I’ve been thinking about what I would want to share with someone who keeps outsourcing their worth.

First, it is a slow process. Especially if this is your default. I gave my worth away a long time ago, back when I was a kid, so I am working against 20+ years of beliefs. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but change CAN happen. I am living proof. Now when someone doesn’t choose me (in any kind of way) my first thought isn’t that I must not be worth it; my first thoughts are usually maybe we just aren’t aligned, maybe they have a lot going on, maybe it’s not about me at all. Not being chosen usually has more to do with the other person than it does with you. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t examine yourself, but it does mean that no matter what the situation is you never lose your worth.

To start taking your worth back, you must start choosing yourself. If you speak unkindly to yourself or about yourself, if you never do anything kind for yourself, if you are constantly beating yourself up then of course you won’t believe you have worth or value. Maybe you will think it, but you won’t embody it. You can start by simply telling yourself each day, “I choose you.” And reinforce that statement by making little choices throughout the day that show yourself you really do care about you. Make yourself a healthy breakfast, take yourself for a walk, let yourself cry without shame, give yourself time to watch the sunset, make that hard decision while tenderly supporting yourself, read the book you’ve been dying to read… whatever brings you joy and makes you feel loved, let yourself have some of that in your life every day.

Embrace who you are and stop trying to be other people. This is where a lot of my laughter comes into play. As I was navigating my own worth journey, I often thought I was being authentic when really, I was trying to be who I thought someone else wanted me to be. There’s even a picture of me in an outfit that is so not who I am and the caption I wrote was “coming home to myself.” I am even laughing now thinking about it. So, yes, embrace who you are AND don’t get discouraged while you are trying to figure that out. The world is loud, and we must get quiet to find ourselves. My photo shoot in Palm Beach was such an embodiment of who I am outwardly and inwardly. I was able to embrace who I am without trying to impress anyone; I just wanted to be true to me. The more you take back your worth, the easier it will be to come back to yourself. You will start to find beauty in who you are, what you like, and even in what makes you different.

When I went through heartbreak, I submersed myself in Mark Groves’ work. One thing he always says is that when someone decides to leave don’t allow your worth to walk out the door with them. This applies to any situation, any kind of relationship. No one can ever steal your worth from you, no one can ever steal what makes you unique and valuable. Even when you lose sight of your own worth, it’s still right there waiting for you to remember it. I hope today you decide to remember.