The Art of Taking Care of Ourselves

Written By Pamela Penrose

“I believe taking care of ourselves is an art, and this art involves one fundamental idea that is foreign to many: giving ourselves what we need.” – Melody Beattie

 

As I sit writing, I am thinking over my past week and all the messiness that came with it. Sometimes when you work so closely to the field of mental health you can subconsciously start to believe maybe your ups and downs are over or that you have somehow magically cured all your past conditioning and patterns. It’s like this subtle thought you start to have in the back of your mind and then suddenly a wounded part of you is asking for attention and staring you right in the face. You stare back, somewhat in shock. “Well, hello. Where did you come from?” Learning to take care of ourselves is not a one-time thing. It is an art, and it takes practice, practice, practice. It also requires we have grace and compassion for ourselves; to always be willing to ask ourselves what it is we need. I think it’s the difference between living with our hands held in fists or living with our hands held open to release and receive – receive from the Divine, from others and receive from ourselves.

Some of us may be terrified to live this way. Maybe we’ve been hurt whenever we have braved an open hand. Maybe we have hurt ourselves in these moments by not knowing what we needed and then going without our needs being met. Some of us may need to repeatedly reassure ourselves that we are safe to open, that we will be taken care of, and we will be seen. I think the key is to not shame the parts of us that can’t just let go. I had been living with my hands open, receiving and standing in my power; then suddenly my fists closed, and I could not find the strength to release again. I could not figure out what I needed. It’s the ebb and flow of life; the opening and closing of fists. When we find ourselves with our fists closed tightly, not knowing what we need, we can take this time to remind ourselves of when we have had the strength to let go and support ourselves in the past. What was our process? How were we able to do it? Who was standing by our side? Then in this space, instead of running to our shame, we can practice the art of giving ourselves what we need. And, honestly, sometimes what we need is to just loosen our grip a little, not fully exposing all our vulnerabilities at once, but safely giving them a little more room to breathe.

Have you stopped to ask yourself what you need today? When was the last time you asked yourself what you needed? Melody Beattie says in her book Codependent No More, “Giving ourselves what we need does not only mean giving presents to ourselves; it means doing what is necessary to live responsible – not an excessively responsible or an irresponsible existence.” Right now, I need to focus on providing structure for myself and letting a tender part of me know that she is supported and safe. While others can be supportive in this process, it is ultimately my responsibility to show up for myself. Beattie continues to say, “As we learn how to care for and meet our own needs, we forgive ourselves when we make mistakes, and we congratulate ourselves when we do well. We also get comfortable doing some things poorly and some things with mediocrity, for that is part of life. We learn to laugh at ourselves and our humanity, but we do not laugh when we need to cry. We take ourselves seriously but not too seriously.” I encourage you to take a moment today, get quiet, and ask yourself what you need. THEN give it to yourself. This is the lifelong goal – to everyday ask ourselves what we need and then give it to ourselves with love, compassion, tenderness and courage. Hands open. Having faith we will learn the art of giving and receiving what we need.

Pamela Penrose
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